Pisspots, or a lesson in liquid

The Jerry,guzunder (as in guzunder the bed ) wee pot, or piss bucket as it was sometimes called in this neck of the woods is I am reliably informed making something of a comeback, its origins are lost in the mists of time, and there is no reliable date for the first one ever produced for the retail market,but be sure that long before the wheel was invented primitive man was lagging in a clay pot of some kind rather than foul up the cave,and incur the wrath of primitive woman.There is something very satisfying in filling up any receptical with urine,don't ask me why I don't know,but its a fact of life,or at least a fact of male life,I cant speak for the ladies but they do look very ungainly whilst straddling earthenware.For the man it is easier we have the equipment to hit any part of the interior of the vessel without spilling a drop,unless of course alcohol is the reason we are filling the pot in the first place,then another set of variables comes into play.The first one is the unwritten rule that you must look up at the ceiling,and sigh heavily whilst releaving yourself,....first obvious point, if you are looking up at the ceiling you cant see what's going on below your waistline, result wet carpet,....second point, if you sigh too loud it will drown out the sound of the said carpet getting soaked,and you will know nothing about it until its too late,either way you will be squelching back to bed.The game changes as you age the older you get the smaller your bladder becomes,until at the age of about forty its roughly the size of a malteaser unfortunately you still produce the same amount ( if not more ) of urine that you always have,only now its under a lot more pressure,add to that the cold,and your rapidly failing prostate its obvious that around Christmas time when more alcohol is drunk than at any other time of the year,the average middle aged man becomes a walking time bomb.It could be very nasty for anyone in the vicinity when one of these chaps goes off,so what are the signs to look out for.Tip No1 if our hero is stood at the bar looking strained,and pale then he is trying to hold it in as long as he can because with already ten trips to the toilet under his belt ( forgive the pun ) he will be conscious of people thinking he is suffering from the very thing he is suffering from.Tip No2 trying to look cool with a full bladder is impossible,so he will be shifting from one foot to another,and taking little sips of his beer instead of bloody great gulps which is what real men do.Tip No3 his power of concentration will be shot to pieces therefore instead of listening to what people are saying to him he will nod his head a lot say yes or no now and again,and make furtive glances in the direction of the urinal to make sure its still there.Tip No4 if you are with a particularly tight fisted specimen,and he doesn't argue as he normally would when you tell him its his round but he shoves the money into your hand,and tells you to get them in, then its a sure sign that he is about to explode,take cover or you will become another victim.Getting back to Jerrys though the inside toilet brought about the demise of the poe,they were no longer needed because the W.C.was but a few steps away from the bedroom. This meant that thousands of piss pot makers were thrown out of work,within a few years towns,and communities that depended on the Jerry were reduced to making the odd ashtray or flower pot that were themselves being replaced by glass,and plastic. The old guzunder was going under,and its now very rare to see a fine example of the humble piss bucket unless some arty farty hippie buy's one on a flea market,and plants a palm in it.Still the poe is making a comeback,and I for one am glad there is something about the ring of an earthenware being topped up,that fills me with nostalgia,a longing for the days when if you couldn't get to sleep as a kid the poe gave you an excuse to get out of bed, and make a bit of noise legitimately,I hope the poe does well but somehow I can't see it.