Hot Tuna surprise

There was a time when I thought the only two things you needed to know about food to be an expert was, whether or not you needed a spoon or a fork to eat, and which hole to force it into.

Times have changed since my debut as a bachelor, these days I am something of a connoisseur of good grub, and I have come on leaps and bounds in the kitchen. I can cook a wide range of things both mundane and exotic. However I'm not a measurer of ingredients, no time for that when living life in the fast lane. I prefer to experiment, some times it works, some times it doesn't. Most of the time it works, but if it doesn't there is always the bin.

One of my concoctions that has been a resounding success is "Hot Tuna Surprise" despite the fact that it resembles dog vomit when cooked it is I can assure you delicious.

A close friend had dinner at my house a while ago and I tried it out on him. The first few mouthfuls went down ok, but then the chilli started to kick in. "What do you think" I asked him. He looked at me through stained glass eyes, tears running down his cheeks and snot dribbling from his nose, "its very nice" he said in the kind of voice someone in an iron lung who had just had the plug pulled would use. The poor bugger ate as much as he could, but in the end it got the better of him, perhaps I used too much chilli. So here it is, try it.

Ingredients: Tin tuna in oil, tin chopped tomatoes, one large onion, salt and chilli to taste. Fry the chopped union in the tuna oil, add the tuna, then the chopped tomatoes, add your chilli.

It’s at this point that it looks like dog vomit, but fear not, resist the temptation to barf. Serve on a bed of rice, or chips if you’re common, I always have a side salad with it, it looks posh and helps temper the volcano that erupts in your mouth. Please let me know what you think if you can still speak.