Spot the difference.

I normally wake up bright eyed and ready for the day. Well I definitely wake up, however this morning I felt like shit, sat on the edge of the bed for a while and mentally prepared myself for the knee bend that would propel me to a vertical position. I dragged myself to the bathroom, stood motionless for a few minutes doing nothing in particular. I decided to make some coffee that usually gets me going. I make a point of not looking in the mirror until after I have showered (Its not a pretty sight) for some reason after a nights sleep my hair looks like an explosion in a mattress factory, bed head isn’t the word.

The coffee did the trick, but I still couldn’t quite shake of the can’t be arsed feeling. After I shower I shave, I really didn’t want to go through that chore this morning so I decided to try the George Michael look, problem was I looked more like George Melley, so designer stubble was out. I would have to shave. Most men hate shaving, it’s a chore, and it’s boring. I wet shave in the morning and keep an electric razor at work to top up during the day. Weekends if I can get away with it I don’t shave at all.

Its ok for women they don’t shave unless you count running a little pink thing over the fluffy down on their legs whilst they are in the bath as shaving. And the other bits they attend to, well it’s just an excuse to practice one of their favourite pastimes, talking about, shopping for and using toiletries. It’s a girl thing and I get it I really do, but unless you are a male model farting about like that is not for real men. They just want to scrape the shit of their face and get down to a hard day of herding cattle, or fixing pipes or flying fighter planes and shit.

Some men have quite a light beard; mine is heavy and a bugger to get rid of. It can grow to uncomfortable levels even a couple of hours after shaving, which is fine for weekends when your fixing the car or just chilling out. But it is always a bugger when you are out on the pull. Invariably if you get lucky enough to spend the night, or even a short evening with a young lady, once you get close enough to see up her nose she will without doubt ask you to shave, complaining that your face is to rough. I understand, a beard can do untold damage to the fair skin of a woman, but some of them have sent me back several times to re-shave and I have complied. One girl asked me to re-shave four times. By the fourth shave I had gone completely of the mood and asked her to leave, politely of course.

There is one woman I would shave a hundred times and more if she asked me to, for just the conversation she would be worth it, but she won’t.