Igor to please

Gilbert is a nice lad, but unlucky in everything, its as though he is cursed, maybe he is. I know this; Gilbert is the person everybody is glad their not. He is about my age but looks to have suffered, he is the only person I can think of with natural two-tone hair, and the tones don’t match.

He has one eye higher than the other, and the eyebrow over that eye is the wrong way round, giving him a permanently surprised look. His ears stick out and are a deep shade of red, which gives them the appearance of being cold, even in summer.

Accidents are a common occurrence with Gilbert, none are ever of the drastic kind, but they all seem in some way to affect his life. Like the time he was in a rush to get ready one day and mistook the Preparation H tube for the toothpaste tube, his gums shrank and most of his teeth fell out.

He walks with a strange gait, as though he was hiding something under his jumper and is forever looking over his shoulder. I suppose the icing on the cake would be a hump, but he stops short of that, all of this makes him a target for the police who stop him several times a day. Gilbert takes all this in his stride, which is also odd as his left leg travels further than his right.

I’m sure by now you have a mental image of this splendid man, and I’ll bet you are feeling more than a little sad for him. But don’t, he has been married three times, and all of his wives were gorgeous. His current girlfriend is an absolute stunner, so what has the guy got? Well, he isn’t rich I know that.