Now you see em now you don't.

I have a friend Don (See on beating bullies) who can do magical things with his teeth, Paul Danials has got nothing on this lad when it comes to slight of hand. Don was separated from his teeth some years ago when I worked at the Bell Vue Beer Keller as a bouncer.

He had been in the Keller when some colleagues and I ejected a group of rowdies from the bar. They left and went over to the ballroom I suspect to cause trouble there. Don was having no luck with the ladies in the Keller and decided to try his luck in the ballroom, unfortunately he was recognised as a friend of mine by the rowdies who kept announcing loudly that I was nothing without my back up.

They conveniently forgot that there were seven of them and only three of us at the time of the bar ejection. Don being the type of chap that he is defended me and as a result was set upon as he left the ballroom. He didn’t stand a chance of course, but I’m told he gave as good an account of himself as was humanly possible given that there were seven of them and one of him. At some point during the scuffle his face was introduced to an iron bar by one of the group (a chap named cook) who I can assure you got his some time later.

Thus my friend had his jaw fractured in several places and most of his teeth went walkabout. The teeth that were left served as anchors for the wire that kept his mouth tight shut for several weeks whilst it healed. When the wire was eventually removed it was obvious that the remaining pegs had to go.

That was twenty-eight years ago so Don has had plenty of time to perfect his act, to the point where he can remove his teeth with one hand in the blink of an eye. This comes in very handy at meal times when in the company of others (he cant eat with his teeth in you see). However this skill is wasted really because after removal he wraps them in a serviette and places them on the table in front of his plate for everyone to see. He can pop them back in with the same slight of hand that he uses to take them out. But what’s the point of this elaborate technique to hide the fact that they are false when he will insist on rattling them round in his mouth and making that annoying double click before speaking. I suppose its more interesting than the penny behind the ear trick.